So. This isn't a tutorial. There's no "how to" included in the title. There's not even any pretty pictures sprinkled throughout.

No, this is me - with my laptop, and whoever is reading this. Pure vulnerability. 

It's actually like a scene in a movie because I'm sitting in a pretty empty living room, in silence, on my one love seat, with just my dog to keep me company. (Don't worry, I'm only in silence because I decided to be cheap and forego cable... but we'll see how long this lasts).

I opened up my laptop tonight because I want to release my thoughts about fear. I need to talk about fear. I preach about pushing past fears and putting yourself out there and not being afraid to share your gifts... all of that. And I truly believe it.

But I still have my own fears.

And one that I've been letting hold me back for entirely too long is the idea of doing a monthly newsletter. I know it must sound silly. Every time I say it in my own head it sounds extremely silly. Like.... why would I be afraid of a newsletter?

(I just want you to know - I'm literally having an epiphany as I type this out. Here goes...)

What's fearful about this newsletter is the idea of REJECTION. 

(Cue the cacophony of what-if's)
What if no one subscribes?
What if no one opens it?
What if people don't care about what I have to say?
OR
What if they don't care enough to receive an email every month?
What if my newsletter is something I thought would be helpful, but it's really not?
What if people thinks it's stupid?
What if? What if? What if?

WHAT IF? I literally have NO answers to any of these questions. Except "okay". Life moves on.

I've honestly let the fear of rejection stop me from doing ALOT of things in life. And I'm not saying this in a proud type of way. Like "oh, that's just a part of who I am". I honestly wish a fear of rejection wasn't even something on my radar.

I wish I could move through life blithely unaware that such a concept even exists. "Rejection? Oh, what's that? Can someone define rejection for me? I've never heard of this word!" ...wouldn't that be awesome? 

But I don't. I am afraid of rejection. 

I'm more afraid of rejection than I am of missing out on opportunities. Damn.

But ya'll. (Or you. Who knows how many people will read this?) I'm tired of this fear. I really, truly am. I'm so annoyed with it. I'm so annoyed with myself. And no, I'm not being too hard on myself. I believe sometimes you NEED to be REAL with yourself to the point of it hurting, because sometimes the truth hurts. And this is me being real with myself.

So. On November 6, I AM publishing this very personal (and somewhat embarrassing) blog post. AND THEN on November 10 I am sending out my newsletter. To whoever decides to subscribe - whether it's no one at all (I guess in that case it'll just rebound back to my own inbox, I don't know lol) or ten people or WHATEVER. Either way, I'm pressing send. Then I'll draft another one for December. And I'll press send. And another in January. Send. February. Send.

...you get it.

Because this is one time I REFUSE to let fear win.

This isn't me, in my bravest voice, telling you how to get over your fears. If you're looking for that sort of thing, you can find it HERE.

This is my decision. This is my accountability.

This is my one small step towards overcoming my fears.

Below you can subscribe to my monthly newsletter. Yes, I have fears. But I'm also super proud of what I've put together and I'd love for you to be a part of it.